settling the sun

every day i defeat myself a little more. starring at this black hole through my room, patiently waiting for something to move. a cyclone maze warping in and out of my gaze. a concentration through reality. ill never become something that im not so i refuse to impress anyone. this object in my mind is concentrated on myself. i will not lie, i am as selfish as i will ever be. but money isnt my guarantee. there are no excuses to define rage. a moment in life is forever worth the risk. but now i have come to realize that the only risk that exists, is pleasing myself just a little bit. unfortunately for now it has come too late for me. i feel like an old rock living off of the allergy. quiet... alone... patiently waiting for something to come my way. maybe some air to lift me off of my feet. just a breath of life to restore me back from this grave. my temple made of flesh, covering a powerful source thats sensitive to the touch. i apologize if i am too sensitive for all of these creations. its just this gaze becomes darker. and this hole circulates around me. i believe that i am an animal. but only an animal to try and survive. not really live. perhaps a confused animal. maybe an animal who is lost. although somehow i believe that i know where my place lies, even though its not my job to decide. a place in heaven where there are fields of gold. earth just seems like a chaotic playground to me. its almost impossible to go somewhere just to relax. so i dig a hole. i dig it so far deep. like the hole ive been dreaming of. and once i get there ill lay down. and just breathe. just breathe deeper and deeper. until the hole or the earth i should say. cant find me anymore. im sure you dont understand anything im saying, and i dont expect you too. maybe you will find me in another state of mind. or maybe you wont. either way, one of us is gonna go crazy, at this point i dont care who. but someone will listen. and that person will listen deeply. and that person who listens, will make the difference that this playground is just too damn crowded. "they're prices for legends, but legends will change over time." i had to give up to realize that.

a ballad for the gallows

how often does it seem that the only life invested in living is the outcome of death as a retirement bed. so many preachers so many hard thinkers only to be thought of a mire image of themselves. if time was the key and you were the door, how do you manage to make an impact on the lives you have lived for? why so much destruction? why so much evil? anger? not to mention all of the peace makers? it seems that all we have ever learned from life is survival. for most of us our basic needs of survival relied on someone else with their hands tied. do you ever look in a story just to see the ending become glory? how all luck and skill and love payed out in the beginning from above? i cant tell you that ive really talked to people that were wishing a hand out. i just look at myself and divide it by few, or look at myself and multiplied a few. its simple when we say that mankind isnt doing so great. and its even simpler to say that we will change some day.

from myself i just take it in. sometimes there isnt enough power to breathe it all in. most of our lungs have collapsed when we tried running from the sun. still the rain clouds our ways of thinking. from right or wrong. but i know it just takes some heart and little bit of love. and maybe a million to one, to overcome our chances of leaving one person with a gun.

because ive given up fighting. and im sure death is tired from working overtime. and if God has a plan then i will not interfere. i would much rather relax and let the wheel steer for itself. instead of holding it all in with one breath, ill let it go and let it swim in a stream. to someday maybe soon i will be buried underneath. as long as the world knows that i havent made a difference in this life, but they have made a difference in me. maybe it doesnt take a million to one. but one to a million that if out of a million, one survives, it took just one to realize, that time is running out. as for the fighting, its never really worth it only to be wasted. its easy to be a bad guy. thats what ive learned. but ive never learned how to be a good guy. i just wish by now i would've. but luckily for me there is still time. there is still time. and that key is still in my hand. and for death? well... i cant promise anything, but i just imagine that he is my shadow. and ill be honest. fear has stopped me from living. at least now i know what to live for.

smell no evil

stay the course. in time these skies will burn out. and the blue will turn back to black, just like their eyes. "oh my god, how did i not see this happen?" the revenge in me may conclude the last of hopes humanity. i brought my eyes this time to see visions in the sky. my eyes are getting wider, as rain falls down from the clouds. what felt like rust in my bones, has given me the power to rebuild myself up again. in many cases a slow victory dance will tremble the heavens. and make note to God, that some are dead but many are still alive. they have come back to earth to tell us the greatest stories of all time. if it wasnt for us to plant them in the ground. then their souls would have no place to sleep.

disguises are the evil shadowing my hallways, if it wasnt for the wrong in my life, then the right would never seem so clear. there is still time. however long we make it, however long we take it, there is still time. never forget the weeds that were grown, or the flowers that were shown. ill continue moving from one place to another. but never alone, for my shadows will always keep me company. as long as there is light. there is hope. thats what the skies keep telling me.