settling the sun

every day i defeat myself a little more. starring at this black hole through my room, patiently waiting for something to move. a cyclone maze warping in and out of my gaze. a concentration through reality. ill never become something that im not so i refuse to impress anyone. this object in my mind is concentrated on myself. i will not lie, i am as selfish as i will ever be. but money isnt my guarantee. there are no excuses to define rage. a moment in life is forever worth the risk. but now i have come to realize that the only risk that exists, is pleasing myself just a little bit. unfortunately for now it has come too late for me. i feel like an old rock living off of the allergy. quiet... alone... patiently waiting for something to come my way. maybe some air to lift me off of my feet. just a breath of life to restore me back from this grave. my temple made of flesh, covering a powerful source thats sensitive to the touch. i apologize if i am too sensitive for all of these creations. its just this gaze becomes darker. and this hole circulates around me. i believe that i am an animal. but only an animal to try and survive. not really live. perhaps a confused animal. maybe an animal who is lost. although somehow i believe that i know where my place lies, even though its not my job to decide. a place in heaven where there are fields of gold. earth just seems like a chaotic playground to me. its almost impossible to go somewhere just to relax. so i dig a hole. i dig it so far deep. like the hole ive been dreaming of. and once i get there ill lay down. and just breathe. just breathe deeper and deeper. until the hole or the earth i should say. cant find me anymore. im sure you dont understand anything im saying, and i dont expect you too. maybe you will find me in another state of mind. or maybe you wont. either way, one of us is gonna go crazy, at this point i dont care who. but someone will listen. and that person will listen deeply. and that person who listens, will make the difference that this playground is just too damn crowded. "they're prices for legends, but legends will change over time." i had to give up to realize that.